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Bewitched - Sastiel Mini Bang
Oct. 2nd, 2014 17:39
Sam dashed through the halls, jumping the gap between staircases as he raced towards the library. He did love living in Ravenclaw Tower, but the trek down to the library was a good ten minutes, five if you sprinted. He was sprinting. Cas was going to kill him for being late and he would deserve it (though he had a much shorter walk from the Hufflepuff common room). It was all Dean’s fault either way. If he didn’t write Dean at least one letter a week, his brother got all frustrated and might send him another Howler.
Sam shuddered and ducked past another small group of second-years, apologizing over his shoulder as he ran. “Sorry, shit, I’m sorry, I’m late!”
He stopped before the library doors, trying to catch his breath, glad that his backpack hadn’t fallen off his shoulder. Sam sucked in another breath of air and worked to comb his hair down, hoping that he didn’t look like too much of a mess to Castiel.
Sam pushed open the heavy wooden door a moment later and looked around the library. He straightened his robes, clearing his throat a little when he saw Cas at a table by himself over in the corner. He made his way over, holding tighter to the strap of his bag. “Hey, Cas, sorry I’m late.”
Castiel looked up at Sam and nodded. “I was afraid that that you would not be joining me.”
“Nah, promised I would, right? ‘Sides, I need to study for the OWLs.” Sam pulled out his Transfiguration book and opened it to the chapter he was working on. Cas looked to be neck-deep in his Charms book and Sam smiled. Cas always asked him for help with Charms. Like Professor Flitwick had said numerous times, he had a knack for it that few other students did.
Sam forced himself to look back at the Transfiguration textbook and focused on the next chapter. At least he had finished his Arithmancy homework. The last thing he needed to worry about was math when his mind was filled with Cas. “I was writing a letter to Dean. If I didn’t get it mailed today, he would’ve sent me another Howler.”
Castiel frowned. “I did ask him to cease with such actions. I believe he enjoyed the potential embarrassment that you would feel at such an action.”
Sam snorted. “Like that surprises anyone.”
“Your brother simply misses you. Ever since he graduated two years ago, he no longer gets to see you every day. He also knows that you are nervous about your OWLs and is frustrated he cannot be here for you. He only wants the best for you,” Castiel said, smiling a little as he looked over at Sam. “He has done the same to me for the last two years.”
Sam smiled and looked back down at his textbook. He would never understand how someone like his brother had been friends with Castiel. They could not have been more different if they had tried. But they had been inseparable for years, despite being in different houses. “You didn’t get Howlers!”
Castiel chuckled. “I didn’t forget to write him.”
Sam flushed, flipping a page in his book. “I just, I got busy.”
“Too busy to write your brother?” Castiel chastised. “Dean just misses you. Auror-training is exhausting for him.”
Sam fidgeted. “I know. I know it is.” It was easier when Dean had been at the castle and could drag him off for some time together, no matter what it was. “I miss him too. Even if he is a class-a jerk.”
Castiel smiled and turned his textbook towards Sam. “I believe that he would be relieved to hear that. Perhaps you should tell him that in your next letter.”
Sam leaned over the textbook and studied the charm that Castiel was struggling with. His eyes lit up and he held out his wand. “Okay, need help with this one?”
“Yes. I believe I am mispronouncing.” Castiel shifted his chair closer to Sam to watch him perform the charm.
Sam glanced down at the spell once more before holding out his wand. Protean Charm. He could do this. It was a complicated maneuver and coupled with the strange pronunciation he wasn’t surprised that Cas was having trouble with it.
“Okay, so I see what you mean about the pronunciation. It’s weird. So get this, it’s just like the Leviosa charm, you have to put that kind of, uh, shit, twang? On it. So, the long ‘o’ sound instead of short. And then the wand motion…” Sam twisted his wrist and watched Cas stare. “What?”
Castiel shook his head. “You explain it so simply. Could you repeat the wand motion for me?”
Sam did it again, this time a little bit slower for Cas so he could watch and hopefully understand. “You’ve got to kinda twist in this direction and then it’s a flick-flick.”
Castiel did it once and looked to Sam. “Like this?”
Sam reached out and wrapped his fingers around Cas’s wrist, shifting it carefully. Fuck, Cas’s skin was so soft. He sucked in a breath. Hold it together. He could do that. He could. “N-no. Like this. You’re holding your wand too tight. Loosen your grip.” Sam changed Cas’s grip on the base of his wand. “Now like this, and this!”
Castiel breathed out slowly and repeated the motion, staring down at Sam’s hands as they dropped to the table. “Is this correct?” He raised his eyes to Sam and was surprised to see him flushed.
Sam licked his lips and cleared his throat before looking down at the table. “Y-yeah. Try it one more time and lemme make sure you’ve got it right.” He said, waiting for Cas to repeat the motion. He grinned as it was done perfectly.
“Professor Flitwick is right. You truly do have a knack for Charms, Sam,” Castiel praised, repeating the wrist-flicking motion once more.
Sam blushed and stared down at his textbook. "Thanks, Cas. It's nothing compared to you and Arithmancy though. You're brilliant with it. And anything to do with Ancient Runes."
Castiel smiled. "It does help that I have been translating them since I was a child. Your skills are far more applicable in everyday life, Sam." He leaned over to look at what Sam was studying and smiled. "It looks as though you are doing well."
Sam bit down on his lip. "Yeah, Professor Finnigan has gotten off my case since you started tutoring me."
"You did not need my help," Castiel said, turning the textbook to him to study it. "Just as you did not with Potions. You simply get nervous."
Sam fidgeted. More like got distracted thinking about Cas. "Yeah. I'm worried about my OWLs. I know I'll be fine, in theory, but it's one of those things where I'm just...not sure."
Castiel looked up at Sam and smiled. "Sam. You will be fine. Both Dean and I know this. You will be fine and will not have any trouble. I am certain that you will score all Outstandings, and when you receive your report card you will wonder how you ever had any difficulty."
Sam shook his head. "Nah, that'll be you with your NEWTs. How’s Professor Granger treating you in Ancient Runes?"
Castiel gave a wry grin. "She is far harder on me than the others, but, as she points out, I do deserve it. I am not worried. She will be fine. I would be more worried about her taking over Transfiguration next year," he teased, watching as Sam paled.
"Oh no, I'm going to fail everything. Everything." Sam groaned, dropping his head to his textbook. How could he have ever thought otherwise?
"Nonsense. You will not. Neither Dean nor I will let that happen to you."
Sam huffed into the pages. "Neither of you are going to be here next year, remember?" Sam said. He knew he sounded too sad and depressed, but he didn't want to think about it. Two years without Dean and Cas sounded horrible and it was happening in less than year.
"Who knows, maybe I will come back and teach," Castiel said, smiling at Sam. "However, you need to stop worrying about that and focus on your current predicaments. Agreed?"
Sam lifted his head to look at the textbook and then snuck another look at Cas. His current predicament that had a perpetual case of bedhead and some of the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Impossible to stop focusing on if he was honest. "Yeah..."
Castiel wrapped an arm around Sam and gave him a quick hug. "It shall be all right, Sam. I promise. We will figure something out. And you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for."
Sam swallowed and leaned into Cas's side, closing his eyes as he did. Cas smelled good, like he always did, and he was right. He really was. He needed to stop this moping and get a move on already. There was nothing to be done for it. He'd just have to get over it.
"Now. What are you having trouble with?" Castiel asked, back to business.
~!~!~!~
Sam flopped onto the couch in the corner of the common room, glad that the jog around the castle grounds had worn him out. He'd needed it after fraying his nerves during several hours of study-session time with Cas. He sucked in a slow breath and took a picture out of his wallet. Dean and Cas gave him an enthusiastic wave, large smiles on their faces as they stood in front of their house last summer. Cas had come to stay with them last summer and it had been one of the best that he could remember.
It was also when he'd realized that he'd gone from 'hopeless crush' to 'hopelessly in love' with Cas. Cas over the summer had been... Sam wished there was a proper word for it. It was what he wanted. Cas laughing, smiling, teasing both him and Dean, clearly relaxed and so happy. His heart turned over in his chest and he sighed. Not that Cas would ever, ever, ever look at him like that. It was completely hopeless.
"Are you still moping?"
Sam looked up at Jess and smiled. "I'm not moping, I'm...tired. I just ran around the damn lake. And castle."
"You're moping," Jess announced, sitting on Sam's thighs. "When are you going to do something about it?"
"Do something about what?" Sam tucked the picture away again and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Cas, of course," Jess said, her voice matter-of-fact. "You've dithered around for the past few years and now it's his last year. Now is the time to act, Sam. Have you figured out how to tell him yet?"
Sam swallowed hard and shook his head. “He’s never looked at me twice. I’ve always been the kid that follows him and my brother around.”
Jess sighed. “Well, now you’re taller than he is and he’s going to have to get used to the fact that you’ve grown up. In fact,” she waggled her eyebrows, “I bet that he would love to know just how much you’ve grown.”
“Jess!!”
“Oh, don’t sound so scandalized. Honestly, Sam.” Jess rolled her eyes and settled back against the couch. “We’re teenagers, this is what we’re supposed to be doing.”
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yes, god forbid we actually think about school. Which is, you know, the reason we’re here."
Jess shrugged and settled back in the chair. "You need to live large, Sam. You're a teenager and you only get to be one once, right? I mean, are you really going to let your chance with Cas go by just because you're too scared to do anything else? Hell, do I have to brew you a love potion?"
"No!" Sam blushed when his shriek attracted the attention of several other people in the common room. "No, you do not need to brew me a love potion," he snarled, blushing as he stared at Jess.
"Well, you need to do something, or I'm just going to lock the two of you in a closet until you get your shit sorted out," Jess said, swinging her legs.
Sam frowned and picked up the scroll of the essay he was working on. "You wouldn't dare."
"Try me," Jess retorted, sinking back against the couch.
"I hate you."
"You love me."
"Unfortunately," Sam muttered, staring down at the parchment, unable to keep from groaning a little bit. He'd have to figure out what he was supposed to do now. A threat like that from Jess was... Well. It was a serious threat!
~!~!~!~
The one person he could ask for advice was probably the worst person to go to in the world, but Sam was running out of options. Jess had that look in her eyes that meant she was plotting, and whatever she was planning was bound cause him endless amounts of embarrassment. Jess plotting was never a good thing. Ever.
He sighed and closed the letter to Dean before handing it to Dean's owl, Impala. Maybe Dean would have some good advice...or maybe Dean would send him a Howler saying how proud he was of 'little Sammy growing up at last'. Sam groaned and dropped his head to the table. Why on earth had he thought this was a good idea? It was a terrible idea. Completely and utterly terrible.
Dean's reply came the next morning with breakfast. Sam stared at the letter, unable to keep from blushing as he looked at it. At least it wasn't a Howler. It was plain, simple parchment. Definitely a lot thicker than usual, which meant that Dean had actually written him a long response. And probably included something embarrassing.
Sam noticed Jess eyeing the letter and quickly shoved it in his robes. He stuffed one more piece of toast in his mouth before mumbling something about his Astronomy homework and left the Great Hall. There was an abandoned hallway on the third floor. He could go there to be alone for a little bit and see what Dean had wanted to embarrass him with by writing.
When he got up to the seventh floor he realized that there was a door in the normally empty hallway. He stared at it for a long moment, wondering when it had appeared. His eyes lit up as he realized what it was. The Room of Requirement. He had thought it was only a myth. Or, well, some weird-ass rumor that had been passed down for ages through the student body.
He opened the door and shut it quickly behind him, his eyes lighting up as he looked around. In the room were some of the comfiest looking chairs he had ever seen and bookshelves lined every wall. Sam immediately relaxed and walked towards one of the chairs. Now he saw why the rumors of this room existed. It was amazing. He sank into the soft red cushions and groaned. It was perfect. Completely perfect.
He looked down at the letter in his hands and sighed. He didn't have long before Potions. He needed to read this and then head upstairs for his bag before heading to the dungeons. He peeled open the seal on the letter and blinked in surprise when a book fell into his lap.
Sexy Sexing Advice for Minors
(Featuring: Magical contraception, Do Not Use Food as Lube, How NOT to get your girlfriend pregnant on the first date, and How to land a kiss on the first date)
Sam blushed scarlet and flipped the book over in his lap. On the back was a rather vivid picture of a girl riding a girl. He covered the picture with his hand and fought down the blush. "Dammit, Dean," he snarled. Thank fuck he hadn't opened this at the breakfast table. He was going to murder his brother the next time he saw him. Murder him and hide the body and somehow get away with it completely.
He looked at the letter in his hand and smiled, despite himself, at the sight of Dean's handwriting. It was scratchy, but it was at least reassuring that his brother was in one piece, despite the Auror training that he was currently going through.
Well, well, well, look at my little Sammy finally growing up and being interested in girls and boys.
By the way, did you actually expect to surprise me with the fact that you like both girls and guys? I've certainly never had any qualms about dating both, why would I give two shits about what you want to do? Seriously, Sam, at least give me a little credit here.
Anyways! It sounds like you are in quite the predicament, lusting after this upperclassman. Especially since he is in his last year. Never could make things easy for yourself, could you?
Sam sighed and shook his head. Dean was such a dick. He loved his brother. Dearly. But he was a royal dick and a half most of the time. Pain in the ass. He sighed and focused on the letter again.
But no matter!
Little bro, you need to have a hell of a lot more faith in yourself. Yeah, you might get turned down, that's the reality of liking someone, but you're a nice kid. Unless they are a total dick, they aren't going to be mean about it. And yeah, if they do, it's going to hurt. But it isn't the end of the world and you'll find someone who is worth your time before you know it.
So, chin up, read this book (no bullshit now, the book actually does help, especially in the magical world, so get your shit together and read it) and go confront him already.
Who knows. Maybe he likes you back!
Or maybe you can just give him an awesome blowjob and he'll learn to love you!
Talk to you soon, bitch!
Sam sighed and stared down at the book in his lap. Well. He was alone. There was no one that was going to interrupt him, and he did have a little bit of time until Potions.
~!~!~!~
Sam looked up and down the hallway before slipping into the Room of Requirement. He had the book hidden beneath his robes, just in case he ran into anyone. The last thing he needed was someone realizing exactly what he was reading. It was surprisingly informative.
There was something to be said about being informed. Sam tilted his head back against the chair and let the book fall into his lap. He wanted to tell Cas. He did. He really did. But he also didn't want to lose Cas as a friend.
He sighed. It was an age old conflict. Dammit. There was even a chapter in the book dedicated to it. And as far as he had figured, the authors were firmly on the fence about it. There was no right answer. He just had to decide for himself.
According to Dean, it was better to take the leap and risk it. But if Dean knew it was Cas, would he still want him to? Would Dean get angry at him? Or worse, angry at Cas? Sam swallowed and covered his face with his hands.
"Sam?"
Sam flailed and sat up in the chair, the book falling to the ground. He stared at Cas, who was closing the door behind him. His heart was pounding wildly and he flushed, quickly kicking the book under the chair. "Cas! Wh-what are you doing here?"
Castiel chuckled. "I was about to ask you the same question. It's not often I see someone utilizing the Room of Requirement besides myself."
"You come here too?" Sam ignored the curl of happiness in his stomach that this was something he and Cas shared. It was their secret. Something for them.
"Often. I find it a quiet place to study or when I need time alone. I was surprised to see you come in, though."
"Am, am I not allowed?" Horror filled Sam. He hadn't even thought of that. Could he be expelled for coming in here? Oh god, he probably could. He grabbed his bag and started walking towards Cas. "Oh fuck, Cas, please don't tell the Headmaster, I know you're Head Boy, but I didn't know, and I'm so-" Sam froze when Cas's finger suddenly pressed against his lips.
"And you are a Prefect. Take a deep breath, Sam. You are more than allowed to be here. I meant that many students don't believe this place exists. I happened across it by chance." Castiel pulled his finger away after a long moment and smiled at Sam. "All right?"
Sam sucked in a nervous breath, his heart still hammering. He licked his lips quickly and tasted the salt of Cas's finger, his whole body trembling at the realization. Cas's eyes went dark, even as they continued to look at each other and Sam swallowed hard. "Yeah. I just..."
"I know." Castiel smiled. "Sometimes you wish for time alone. We are both like that. We enjoy our solitude and the common rooms do not much allow for that." He reached out and ruffled Sam's hair, grinning at the indignant flail that got him.
By the time he had pulled far enough away from Cas to keep out of reach of those fingers, Sam knew his hair was a mess. He huffed and tried to straighten it. "Cas, why did you have to fuck up my hair," Sam whined.
Castiel chuckled. "Perhaps I needed to because Dean is not here to do it."
Sam laughed and grinned at Cas. "You tell him that you're his stand-in and he can give you the list of pranks he is waiting to spring on me as soon as summer starts."
"No, I believe I shall leave that to Dean. It is always fun to watch," Castiel said. He shook his head and smiled at Sam.
"Oh! Please tell me you’ll be spending the summer with us. I need Dean-protection. He’s going to mother-hen me all summer if you aren’t there." Sam hoped Cas would be there, he really did. Between watching Cas try Dean’s firewhiskey for the first time and Cas talking with him about school stuff and magic for hours into the night...it had been amazing last year.
Castiel laughed and smiled at Sam. "I am not certain yet. It will depend on the field that I go into."
"You aren't going to be an Auror?" Sam asked, surprised. Castiel had planned to do so since he had first started at Hogwarts. "Dean'll be sad."
"I think, while I could be an Auror, it is not what I want for myself. Much like you. You could be an Auror in a moment, if you wished to. But is that what you want to do? Truly?" Castiel asked.
Sam thought about it and shrugged. "I know Dean would love if I was an Auror with him. But I'd also like to work at a different branch of the Ministry. Or, you know. Something else."
"Exactly what I meant," Castiel said with a smile. "Either way. You do not need to make your choice tonight. I will see what I can do for the summer as it gets closer."
"You should come stay with us for at least a coupla weeks!" Sam said, cursing himself for looking so eager. "I know Dean would love it if you could. And, and I would, too," he added, kicking at the stones beneath his feet.
Castiel nodded. "Then I shall do my best to make sure that I am able to visit for a couple of weeks. I would greatly enjoy spending that time with you and Dean again."
Sam brightened and grinned at Cas. "Good!" The clock on the wall chimed the hour and Sam stared at it. He was late for Arithmancy. "Oh no! Shit, I've got to go, Cas! I'm late!" He settled his backpack over his shoulder and bolted for the door, closing it behind him. It wasn't until he was safely seated in class that he realized: he'd left the book in the Room of Requirement. The book that had Dean's letter as a bookmark. Cas had seen him push the book under the seat. Oh no. Oh no. Cas was going to look at it, maybe even read the letter. Sam bit down on his lip to keep from groaning and buried his face in his arms. Oh NO.
~!~!~!~
Sam managed to avoid Castiel for the next few days, sometimes outright running in the other direction when he saw the other boy approaching. He'd gone back to the Room of Requirement after Arithmancy and he'd been right. The book, with Dean's letter, was gone.
He groaned. He was never going to be able to face Cas again. Especially if Cas started asking questions about who he liked. That was going to be terrifying and horrible. Sam went on twice as many runs than he had in the past couple of months, in an attempt to run off the frustration. At least he was gaining some decent muscle from all the exercise, looking less like an over-stretched piece of putty. Fringe benefits.
But today was Thursday. And Thursday meant that it was time for their weekly meeting in the library. They'd been doing this meeting since Sam was a first-year and he wasn't about to skip it. No matter what Cas ended up saying to him. At least, that's what he told himself.
Sam opened the door to the library and adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, walking towards the table Cas had in the back, as usual. At least the library was mostly empty and no one would be around to witness his humiliation. He swallowed and slid into his seat next to Cas. He could almost feel the heat the other boy was giving off and he wanted nothing more than to melt into Cas and never leave.
"You've been avoiding me," Castiel said.
Sam slammed his eyes shut. So they were going to get right into it, were they? Just as well. Just get it over and done with and he wouldn't need to think about it anymore. Would be able to stop obsessing over it. "Y-yeah," he whispered.
"Because of this?" Castiel slid the book across the table until it was in front of Sam.
Sam opened his eyes in a panic at the thought of that title being visible to...to...anyone! But Cas had wrapped it, just like a parcel. It looked harmless and innocent. "I didn't...I didn't mean for you to find it," Sam mumbled, chewing on his lip.
Castiel sighed and turned to Sam. "I am sad that you thought it would matter to me." When surprised hazel eyes jumped to him, he smiled. "I am best friends with your brother, Sam. He owned the book before you did. He took great pleasure in reading it aloud to embarrass me."
Sam blinked in surprise and his mouth dropped open as he looked down at the book in his hands, opening it carefully, making sure no one was looking. Dean...Dean had owned this book? It was his copy?
Sam flipped to the front cover and was unsurprised to find a drawing of a giant dick, complete with hairy balls and come....and Dean's name in the corner. He snorted and looked up at Cas. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. I just...I didn't-"
"I know," Castiel smiled. "You and I have both grown up with your brother, who does not know the meaning of the word privacy if it hit him over the head. You and I like the illusion of privacy at the least."
"Y-yeah," Sam squeaked, cursing his voice a moment later. Castiel was still staring at him and Sam could feel his cheeks heating in an a truly epic blush.
Castiel nodded. "Are you done avoiding me?" He asked.
"Yes," Sam gave a quick nod. "I promise, no more avoiding."
"Good. Now, who is this boy that you like. Is it someone in your house?" Castiel asked. "Dean made me promise to ask and get whatever details I could. It might be better if you tell me."
Sam flushed back to bright red. "Uh, I don't-"
"Dean told me you liked someone here. A boy," Castiel narrowed his eyes. "It is someone who deserves you, isn't it?" He pondered for a moment. "Samandriel, perhaps?" He thought for a few more minutes. "Gabriel?" He wrinkled his nose at the idea of Sam's romantic attachment being to his older brother, but Gabriel had graduated, so he was an unlikely candidate.
Sam swallowed and shook his head. He had had a crush on Gabriel when he was a second year. That had ended aggressively when Gabriel had dumped itching powder down his robes right before class. "No, no, Cas, I don't like anyone. Dean is probably just joking."
"He seemed very insistent. Said that you were acting very much like a teenage girl over him." Castiel smiled and reached out to squeeze Sam's wrist. "Regardless, you do not have to tell me, or Dean if you do not wish to. Dean and I only want the best for you and want to make sure that it is someone worthy of you."
Sam huffed again and stared down at where Cas's fingers were wrapped around his wrist. He wanted to be smooth like Dean and turn his hand around in Cas's grip and pull Cas closer and say that it was Cas that he wanted. Not Samandriel, not Gabriel, but Cas. Because Cas was amazing and funny and so wonderful that sometimes he had to remind himself that Cas was not an angel like his name suggested.
"I know," he said, his voice meek. He smiled at Cas and regretted not taking Cas's hand the second the older boy pulled it away.
"So, will you tell me who it is that you like? Or shall I keep guessing?" Castiel teased.
"No, no, no, no, stop. I'm not going to tell you, even if you do guess it." Sam pulled out his Arithmancy textbook and buried his nose in it, attempting to ignore Cas as he continued to list off names from both the 7th and 6th year students. There was a point where he was positive Cas had named every male student in both years except for himself. Sam could feel his ears burning in embarrassment.
"D-Do you need any help with Charms?" He asked in a frantic attempt to change the subject.
Castiel chuckled and looked back to his textbook. "I suppose that I can let you off the hook for right now. But do not think I won’t ask you many more questions later about him."
Sam groaned. "I have the nosiest friends ever."
"Does Jess know?" Castiel asked suddenly.
Sam froze, his eyes widening in horror before he focused on his book. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. He chanted to himself, praying that Castiel wouldn't read the answer on his face like he could everything else.
"She does. Hm. Perhaps I shall have to ask her to tell me." Castiel turned back to his textbook.
Sam gave a small groan. He wanted to melt into the floor of the library. It was Jess. If Cas came to her, asking who Sam had a crush on... He didn't want to imagine it, but it wasn't going to be good. She might tell him everything! "Cas, please..."
Castiel reached out and squeezed Sam's arm again. "Do not worry. I shall make sure that she only gives me a name. Any confessions you have made outside of that will remain a secret."
Sam wrapped his arms around his face and tried to ignore the chuckle that Castiel gave. Cas always chuckled low in his throat, like the sound was one that he wasn't expecting and it made Sam want to pin him to the table and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. "A name is bad enough," he mumbled.
"Have you thought about how you are going to tell him? I know Dean likely advised to just kiss them and get the moment over with, but there are several other pieces of advice that I would recommend instead, but in the end, it is up to you," Castiel added, flipping through the pages in his Charms textbook. "Is he shy?"
Sam resolutely ignored the rest of Castiel's questions about his crush as they worked on several different charms that Castiel was struggling with. In turn, Cas helped him with a few different curses for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not that he'd been struggling with them, but Sam couldn't seem to string two words together without blushing and it was frankly starting to become a little embarrassing.
By the time he crawled back up to the dorm room, Sam was trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say to Cas when Jess spilled the beans. She had not been in the common room, so there was no way he'd be able to see her tonight and get to her before Cas. Sam whined and threw an arm over his eyes.
Fuck. This was a mess. A huge fucking mess of epic messery. He was never going to get out of this. And worst of all? He might lose one of his best friends thanks to this whole mess. He bit down on his lip and rolled over on his side.
Dammit, he wanted Dean here. At the very least, Dean would hug him and let him be insecure for a few minutes before making fun of him for it. And a walk was definitely not an option, with the teachers monitoring the corridors to make sure no student was out of bed. Sam groaned into his pillow. He could go take a bath if he was willing to sneak downstairs two floors. He sighed again. Dammit.
Sam closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep. It was a long time coming. When he did finally manage to dream, it was of Cas's eyes smiling at him and how chapped lips would taste.
~!~!~!~
Sam did not get a good night's sleep. He'd wanted one, oh he had definitely wanted one, but it had been impossible to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Especially with his thoughts as convoluted as they had been. He swore and rolled out of bed, getting dressed a moment later.
He made his way down to the Great Hall before sinking into his seat besides Jess. "Did you see Cas already?"
The pitying look from her as she chewed her bacon was enough to confirm it for him. Sam slammed his eyes shut. Everything at the table looked instantly unappetizing. Cas knew. Cas knew. Sam stood up and grabbed his backpack.
“Sam!”
Sam ignored Jess and made his way back out of the Great Hall. He headed straight for the Room of Requirement. It didn't matter that Cas would find him here. Maybe Cas hadn’t been downstairs and he would at least have a little time to himself.
The second he opened the door Sam took note of the couch and the bed that were in the room instead of the normal bean bags, couches and chairs. Sam gulped and made a beeline for the couch. It was tall enough for him (even at six feet and growing, which was impressive) and he threw himself down on it, hiding his face in his arms. He was never going to be able to face Cas again, that was for certain.
He would just have to spend the rest of the year running from and ignoring his best friend, and now Cas was never going to come with them over the summer, which meant that Dean would figure it out and blame him and then Dean would hate him and, and, and-
"Sam?"
Sam made a noise into his arms. Of course Cas was here. Of course he was. Cas wasn’t going to let him hide like the coward he was. Sam swallowed and didn't look at the other boy. "Y-yeah?"
"Is everything all right? I saw you run out of the Great Hall..."
Everyone had seen him run out of the Great Hall. Everyone. And now everyone knew exactly what had happened. And Cas was standing here, walking closer because Cas was his friend and Cas was worried that something was wrong. How could anything be wrong? Sam sneered into his arms. "Cas, I think you know exactly what's wrong."
Castiel hummed and sat down on the small sliver of couch next to Sam's hip and touched Sam's shoulder gently. "I think I can guess it has something to do with this person you have a crush on."
Sam snorted. Of course it did.
"Did they reject you?" Castiel asked, his voice soft. "I know it hurts Sam but-"
Sam made a confused noise into his arms and looked over his shoulder at Cas, scowling at him. "What are you talking about?"
Castiel blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
Sam narrowed his eyes. "Didn't you talk to Jess?"
"I, yes? She told me that I needed to speak with you about it. She advised not letting you run away next time." Castiel cleared his throat.
Air flew back into Sam's chest as he inhaled. Oh god. Jess hadn't told Cas. She hadn't told him anything. Which meant that Cas didn't know. He tensed under Cas's hand and dropped his face back into the pillow. He'd freaked out for nothing. For no reason other than to freak out. He groaned. "I'm going to kill her."
"I would advise against it. That would result in your expulsion and I know that you like to avoid that when it is possible," Castiel teased, running his hand over Sam’s shoulder and down his back slowly.
Sam melted into the couch, unable to help it. Cas's hand felt big and warm through his shirt, the touch just hard enough to be rough and good. A lot like Cas. Rough on the outside, but steady. There. Always there. Sam groaned into his arms again. Dean was right, he was a teenage girl. Fuck.
"Sam?" Castiel said.
Sam lifted his mouth off of his arm, just high enough to speak. "Yeah?"
"Why were you so upset at the thought of my knowing who it is that you like? I have never seen you as distressed as you have been the last two days," Castiel asked, rubbing gently over Sam's shoulders.
Sam closed his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't going to answer Cas's question, no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn't worth it. It really, really, really wasn't worth it.
"I thought about it, after our discussion in the library." Castiel felt the way Sam's entire body went tense in an instant and debating continuing the train of thought as he had started it. But perhaps...perhaps if they were to speak about it, Sam would not continue feeling the way he was.
"I realized I should not have pushed you the way I did. I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable," Castiel said. He pulled his hand away from Sam's back. "I hope you know that Dean and I both ask you these questions out of care for your well-being. Not because we wish to embarrass you."
Sam lifted his head off his arms just enough to free his mouth and make it easier to respond. "I do know, Cas. I do."
Castiel smiled and dropped his hand to his lap. "Are you afraid that we, excuse me, that Dean will not approve of him?"
"Nah," Sam whispered. Dean would never dislike Cas. Even he were dating Sam. At least, that's what he thought. He wouldn't know for sure until something happened, and since nothing was ever going to happen, it was a moot point.
Castiel hummed again and looked down at his hands. "I believe that I agree with Dean, Sam. You will need to tell him sooner, rather than later. This may eat you alive if you do not." Castiel touched Sam's shoulder again, only for a brief moment. "If they hurt you, you can always ask me to give them a few extra detentions. I am more than willing to do so."
Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. This was terrible. Terrible, horrific, and so very Cas. "Cas, you don't need to give them detention. That’s not what I want."
"Then what do you want, Sam? You seem very conflicted on that point," Castiel said.
That was the problem. One of many problems. He wanted Cas. He wanted to kiss him, mess him up and laugh with him and spend every summer with him. He wanted Cas not to leave school, but to be here to tutor him so Sam could kiss him between complicated chapters of Transfiguration that he was still trying to figure out. But more than anything else, he just did not want to lose Cas's friendship. A small broken noise escaped him into his arms and he hunched his shoulders.
Castiel sighed and stood up, dusting off his pants and his robes. "Just know that both Dean and I are here for you, should you need us, Sam," he offered, heading towards the door.
Sam's head was pounding. Cas was going to walk away and give him space, because that's how Cas was. Because Cas understood and Cas knew him better than everybody except Dean and Cas was perfect and Cas was going to leave. "Wait!" He turned to look at Cas's back. He had one hand on the knob of the door.
Sam swallowed and pushed himself upright, sitting on the edge of the couch, his feet on the floor. He gripped the edge of the cushion tight. "You're right. I am...messed up about this. ‘Cause I'm friends with him. I care about him. And I like him so much it's getting to be impossible to keep it myself and I don't want to lose our friendship."
Castiel turned to face Sam again. "A real friend wouldn't judge you for that. They would simply make their feelings known and then you can both proceed as you want to."
Sam forced down the laugh that got caught in his throat. Instead, a strangled noise escaped. He saw Cas take a few steps closer in concern and took a deep breath. It was now or never. He had to do it. Come on. He could do it. "So. Will you?"
Castiel blinked in confusion. "Will I what?"
"Will you judge me for it?" Sam managed to get the words out and looked up at Cas. He bit down on his lip hard enough to taste blood and waited. It took a moment, but he saw the instant Cas realized what he was getting at. Blue eyes went wide and landed on him, then didn't look away. Sam shook under that gaze, eventually dropping his head to stare down at his knees.
Castiel walked closer until he was standing in front of Sam. "Sam-"
"No, just, let me get this out, okay? I need to say this, or I'm never going to," Sam said, digging his fingers into the cushions even more. "You named and thought of every single sixth and seventh year here except for you. You’ve done nothing but be great as you tried to help me. You didn't tease me about the book."
Sam swallowed again and then kept going. "You get an adorable wrinkle between your eyebrows when you’re struggling with something, usually a charm that you don't understand. You have a sense of humor that I swear only Dean and I get and, dammit Cas, every time you laugh, I can't help but grin, because your eyes crinkle and you give such a large smile and you laugh with your entire body that I can't help it."
"Help what?" Castiel asked, his voice soft.
Sam gave a helpless laugh and looked up at Cas, standing only a few feet away from him. "I can't help being totally in love with you, Cas. I’ve given up trying to help it. I've been in love with you since last summer, and I just... I keep finding more reasons to love you since then!" Blue eyes were still riveted to him, and for once, Sam had no idea what Cas was thinking or feeling and it was terrible. He wished there was some way for Cas not to hate him after this.
"Sam..."
"Just..." Sam dropped his eyes to the floor again and sighed, his shoulders slumping. "Just don't stop talking to Dean or anything stupid like that. I can get over this. I promise. I know that I don’t have a chance with you, I knew it from the very first day and it's just, I can’t help it. I like you so much, Cas," Sam choked down a sob. "I'm sorry."
Sam fought down another cry when Cas immediately wrapped his arms around him and pushed him back onto the couch. Castiel was doing his best impression of an octopus, his arms wrapped tight around him, and all Sam could do was cry. "Don't go, Cas, please don't go. Don't leave, please," he begged. He didn't have any shame left. None. All he could hope was that Cas didn't march out the door and say he never wanted to see him again.
Sam blinked up at Cas when he felt the other boy shift and press him back into the couch cushions until he was laying flat, stretched out across the couch. He saw that Cas was smiling, really smiling, and his heart turned over in his chest. Why was Cas smiling like that? Was he going to let him down gently? Oh god, he was. He was. Sam was going to be sick. He knew it. He was going to be sick all over Cas and Cas would hate him and would never talk to him again.
Castiel leaned down and pressed their foreheads together. "Sam Winchester. You are completely ridiculous," he said.
Sam swallowed and thought about that for a minute. Okay. So that wasn't an immediate rejection. But, then, what was-
"What on earth makes you think that I would ever stop talking to you or your brother? I consider you both my family, more so than my real family, you know that,” Castiel said. He shifted until he was laying on top of Sam and stared at him.
“I…” Sam bit down on his lip and looked up at Cas. “Can we just forget that I said anything?”
Castiel hummed and stared at Sam. “I have an alternate preference.”
“O-okay?” Sam said. Now he just had to hope that Cas didn’t say he never wanted to see him again.
“Dean’s recommendation.”
Sam blinked in confusion. “Dean’s recommendation of what?”
Castiel chuckled. “How to confess your feelings to the person you liked.”
“He said I should just tell them already or-” Sam blushed. His face went firetruck red. “Cas!!”
Castiel broke into peals of laughter, burying his face in Sam’s neck. “Oh, Sam. Your face! I am not telling Dean. I am keeping that to myself.” He pulled back to grin at Sam. “So?”
Sam was nothing but confused, and he looked up at Castiel. “So?” His heart started to pound all over again at the look Cas gave him. A small seed of hope started to grow as Cas smiled and leaned in. “Cas?”
“It has been terrible to imagine what boy here caught and held your interest so intently that you would even ask Dean for advice,” Castiel whispered, “and I did not name myself for a very specific reason. I could not stand the thought of you confirming that it was not me. I knew you would, but I would not have been able to watch.”
Sam gasped and stared up at Cas. He couldn’t look away. No, this couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t. “Cas…?”
Castiel’s eyes dropped to Sam’s lips, where he had bitten them red. He licked his lips and leaned closer until they were sharing breath. “Dean has often teased me for liking you. I had sworn him to secrecy. I did not want to risk your friendship if he were to tell you.”
Sam wanted to laugh. It was right there, deep in his chest. Instead he leaned up and pressed his lips to Cas’s and melted. Just like that, no more words were needed. Sam lifted his hand to Cas’s hair and tangled his fingers into that perpetual bedhead. He swallowed the low groan from Cas and pulled the other boy closer to him.
Castiel sank into the kiss and pressed as close to Sam as he could possibly get. He lifted his fingers and sank them into Sam’s hair, smiling against Sam’s lips when that made him shiver and buck under him. He pulled back so they could both breathe and smiled at Sam, brushing his hair out of his face. “All right now?”
Sam nodded and pulled Cas down and into another kiss. “Dean’s gonna kill us.”
Castiel broke away from the kiss to laugh, grinning down at Sam. “I have an idea.”
Sam wrapped his arms around Cas and yanked him back into a kiss. They could talk ideas later. Much, much later. Maybe even serve detention together, since he had no intention of letting Cas out of his arms.
